In April 2025, something new started to happen. I started to hear guidance in the middle of my daily routines, even when there was no journal open before me. And I thought, “Well, this is pretty cool. Maybe this is what I’ve been preparing for all these years with so many journal entries. Maybe this way I can start truly applying what I hear to the everyday actions of my life!” So, I put away the journal and began the experiment of reaching out mentally at any hour of the day to the Source, the one I have for years called “Divine Ma.” And lo and behold, She answered. Whenever I asked. Lovely.
This went on for the next two weeks. A delightful string of conversations. And I thought, “This is the way of the future—ongoing chats whenever I remember this uplifting Source of deep wisdom. It reminded me of the ways that Frank Laubach and Brother Lawrence described their spiritual journeys. I was at this same time studying the life and practices of Saint Teresa of Avila, and thought often of the conversations with Jesus that Teresa wrote about. I was in bliss.
For two weeks.
And then it stopped. Abruptly. Without any discernable warning. Just poof. Gone!
Now, by this point, I’d already interrupted the previously unbroken string of journal writing two weeks before. Since I’d become convinced that this pure listening was the answer to all my prayers, there were no more entries going into the journals. AND now there was even no inner voice to take its place, even though I kept trying for many weeks.
You might truthfully say that my experiment to be like Frank Laubach—listening every moment to how the Divine might guide me next—was a failure. I failed. It had seemed so easy for the two weeks it worked. But then it didn’t. I was not able to keep it going.
Luckily, my morning sadhana of Kriya Yoga and all the techniques that we learn on this path we’re on together has been as strong as ever. I even actually ENJOYED this year’s All-Day Christmas Meditation, which has too often been a huge scary tapasya for me.
So, what WAS I going to focus on if I couldn’t hear that guiding voice during my daily life? At this point I asked my close friends, who meet monthly in what we call our little “Bhakti Bunch,” for advice. And one of my fellow Bhaktis told me something like this: “When I am going deeper in my daily sadhana, I don’t try to get anything in particular to happen. I merely wait for a kind of warm glow of light in my forehead. And if I can feel that—even as I’m going about my daily activities—I don’t feel a need for anything else. That’s God enough for me!”
At that moment, it was as if a lightbulb went off in my consciousness. I realized I had been imposing on God, on Divine Mother. I realized I needed to be content with whatever Grace comes my way, not demanding the Divine show Itself in any particular form just because I desire it. Divine Mother does not need to meet my expectations. All She needs is my love. I am deeply moved by the way that Teresa of Avila put it during her own lifetime in Spain: “Dios, solo, basta!” God alone, that’s enough!
Isn’t that true?
So, I’m going to dedicate this next year of my life to being content in God. Just love Her. And whatever She wishes to give me, I will accept. Nothing more.
No more expectations of any kind. I will not test Her. I will no longer demand some kind of experience from Her. Like our guru once stated, “What I give, you take!” That’s the spirit I’m aiming for in this next period of my life.
And if Divine Mother deigns to offer guidance to me from time to time, I hope I will be both humble and wise enough to take it in and live that guidance to the fullest amount I’m able.
So, this is the last in my six-year series of blogs. “If the Gods be willing, and the creek don’t rise,” for 2027 I MAY put together a book compilation of the most popular posts from the past few years. But I want to ensure that it’ll happen only if God wills it, NOT merely because I want it.
My hope for you is that, just like me, you too might endeavor to follow God’s will in more and more moments of your life.
In honor of my spiritual teacher, Swami Kriyananda, I sign off as he so often did:
In divine friendship, Nayaswami Biraj
Thank you Biraj for sharing your spiritual journey all these years. Your openness has touched me, and no doubt countless others.
I am touched, Sahaja, that you have been following this blog these past years. To paraphrase our beloved Swamiji, “It’s been a long time, that’s all I’ll say.” I hope occasionally some of these posts might even have proven helpful. Yes, more and more during this journey it did feel that openness and transparency were necessary tools for finding God hiding behind my own delusions. Master’s Kriya has always been “The Key” to my sadhana for the 42 years I’ve been with Ananda. But in the end, when Divine Mother knocks, opening the door to Her does seem important, doesn’t it? Discovering how to open that door after going deep in Kriya–that has been my Great Experiment. Let’s see where that experiment takes me, and EACH of us, in these years ahead…
A lovely way to end this blog, and commence a new beginning.
I think you’re making the right decision — but you are missing something, Biraj. You need neither your gurubhai’s or Master’s approval to be worthy of God’s love. Nor do I think you really need anyone’s assurance that God loves you. I think you do know this. Why not just live in that, free of doubt, and free of any need for even Master’s “approval?”
Habit, I think.
Beautiful, Biraj… thank you 😊 🙏
And thank YOU, Yudhisthira, for being the radiant Light that you’re allowing to flow out into the world through you these days! We all have our part to play, and yours is to get fully enough in love with God that little else can distract you. We all know how many souls you brought to kriya over the past 30 years! Well, in some odd stroke of karma, now that the finish line seems closer than it ever was before, just LOOK how much bigger and more expansive your own ministry has become. SO MANY are watching with deep admiration at how you are navigating the hand Divine Mother has dealt you. Not that you need to look or act any way in particular. Only that you are going through it with integrity, with self-acceptance, and with love. I feel Master must be pleased. So yes, thank YOU, dear friend, for all YOU are doing to uplift so many.
Aum Peace Aum Divine Ma 🧘♂️
Aum Devotion! Aum Divine Love 🙏
Aum, INDEED, Viraj! All blessings to the great work you all are doing for God and Guru up there in Chandigarh. You all truly are building that “Beacon of Light” that Devi and Jyotish were just speaking about to Ananda’s ministers this past weekend! We’re all doing our own little piece in the big radiant puzzle that is Master’s work on the planet right now. Jai guru!