So, after 42 years of writing many times each month in what has filled 47 journals, suddenly at the beginning of 2025 I came to an abrupt turning point. I had been aware for some time—months at least, probably longer—that the journal entries were definitely interesting, even uplifting—but there was something missing. Whenever I got to the last line of writing each day’s page, I was in the habit of immediately closing the journal without rereading what had been written. I would never read that entry again until one year later. This was a trick I started early on, so that I wouldn’t ever get in the bad habit of letting myself think that I was special or somehow wiser than anyone else. I was so afraid of getting a “big head,” of feeding my ego. So, I would purposely ignore what had “come through.” That way I would in no way claim as my own any wisdom that might be contained in that entry. Like it just did not belong to me.
That was good as far as it went. A noble affirmation. But what finally happened at the beginning of 2025 was the growing realization, even dissatisfaction with the fact, that by ignoring what had just been written down in the journal meant that I wasn’t really applying to my own life most of what had been written. The wisdom that was coming through was being wasted, not utilized for my own edification. I was not only saving myself from an expanding ego, but at the same time ensuring that I would never actually benefit from any possible expanded consciousness. I was wasting Divine Mother’s wisdom.
Sure, a year later through this blog I would let others see what Divine Mother had taught, but I myself was practically refusing to apply them for my own benefit. I was turning my back on the Grace that had been bestowed on me, for fear that relying on it might somehow harm me.
I was so mixed up.
I just now remembered that in the early years of writing these journal entries, my wife at the time had warned me not to make a big deal out of these entries. Fine to write them down, she would caution, but not to get attached to them. That they were just things to let pass through, but that they might be harmful if I took them too seriously.
Well, decades later the entries were still turning up in my journals, and I was still holding them “at bay.” This because if I took them too seriously, subconsciously I worried they might take me in some sinister direction spiritually.
It wasn’t until Asha Nayaswami read a number of them one day that she convinced me that it might be helpful for others to read them. And it was some weeks later, during an outdoor brunch at Joanie’s Café in Palo Alto, that Asha glanced up at the heating lamp nearby and announced, “The heater just gave me the title to your collection of journal entries.” And that’s how my first book, Heart Calls, Soul Answers, came about.
But I still wasn’t using these entries for my own inner transformation. I was still holding back, and not applying to my own life situations what Divine Mother was teaching.
So, at the beginning of 2025 it all stopped. I didn’t want to be a hypocrite. I wanted to be sure that if I heard some guidance within, that I would begin actually DOING something about it. That’s when I decided to stop writing, and simply listen, and, for a change, to do what It said.